Sunday in Sarasota, November 24, 2013
I am sitting in my daughter's dining room, my big APPLE computer sits prominently on the dining room table that I share with Casey (her boyfriend) and his laptop. There will be no Thanksgiving feast as long as the table doubles as an office of sorts. It is a grand excuse and a relief. We will serve foster families at a local restaurant. I can't think of a better way to show one's thanks for a well lived life!
Yesterday, I finished putting all 30 Tall & Large FLEX garbage bags filled with my clothes. That is a big deal. That is a lot of washing. And that does not include all the garbage bags filled with sheets, towels, blankets, pillows, etc.... that Astrid is doing at her home!
Now, the task is to: look at each piece in the daylight to see if there are stains on anything. A stain is an automatic exit to the 'giveaway' zone. If it passes that stage, then I try it on. If it doesn't fit- it goes 'adios mother-what-er'. If it fits AND I still like it, it goes back home. It feels good to do it, but it is tiring. It is like shopping in my closet and not having to whip out payment to take it home. The last step will be to have my 'worker-bees' iron all the many things requiring such attention.
I know that this will sound like an excuse: but, ironing gives me blood blisters! God blessed me with an actual medical condition, genetically bestowed... which PREVENTS me from doing such things as: ironing, sweeping, vacuuming, pulling weeds, blah blah blah. It doesn't prevent me from lifting a cocktail glass or a fork. .... only instruments of 'labor'. It almost sounds like a blessing, not a disease. I knew God loved me. Oh, the name of such 'condition'?: in the 1950's, it was called 'ICTHIOSIS"- fish scale skin. In the new century, it is called "Hyper Keratosis palmeris & plantaris".
I am unique. I have no uvula either. Sounds naughty doesn't it?
At any rate.... during my long hiatus of quietude with the keyboard, I was hood-winked into co-chairing a fund-raising event for an outdoor museum, which I am 'taken with'. I am being kind, really. I returned home to a home riddled with its own kind of tropical cancer: and to a job that I was never asked to do and to a job which I NEVER AGREED to do. All of this, of course.... came at a most inappropriate and unsuitable time. Because I had no time. I had no energy. And, I had no choice. I was already SPENT, and then I was expected to rise to someone else's occasion.
I couldn't say 'no', as it was apparent that even with only a fraction of me available: they needed me.
I couldn't say 'no'. But, I NEVER SAID YES. And, NO one, ever said "THANK YOU" for doing a job no ONE else wanted and for doing a job no ONE else would have done in the same circumstances.
I have spent a major part of my life since 1990- event fund raising. I chaired an event after the death of my husband that raised- grossed over a half million dollars in 4 hours! That was quadruple the money which had been previously made. People rallied because they felt so sorry for me: I defied anyone to say 'no' to me after the death of my husband in Italy and the death of my mother & father in law.... and psychologist- all in 9 months!
This sick home, although in its own way: debilitating- has been invisible to those around me. There is no comprehension of the emotional and physical toll it has taken.... and therefore, no empathy that doing a job for the museum was AN ALMOST inhumanly daunting task to do it along side 'being homeless' from a sick home.
Thereby: the upshot of this was that I was being constantly criticized for how I did everything as co-chair. Not just criticized- but screamed at. And, I had to constantly ask myself: "Why am I allowing myself to be beaten up" at a time when I am giving more than anyone should be asked to give? And, at a time when NO ONE ELSE is coming to the plate. Why would anyone want to make me feel "LESS THAN"? And that was the upshot of this experience.
More about that later.
It is a day of rest. A day of resting from the weariness of mal-intended people.
And, to celebrate having spent a few glorious days with both my daughters: Carlyle and Astrid (with baby FIN)
smiles,
and may sunshine flood your day today....
Judy
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